PREPARE FOR MEDIATION

PREPARE FOR MEDIATION

You are on the verge of entering a process that most people have not experienced in their lives.

You are most probably stressed and emotionally drained due to the disputes between you and your husband/wife/partner and the litigation that has been ongoing for some time.

It is necessary that you understand the process, purpose and power of mediation.

To explain every detail would cloud your mind and as such this document aims at providing you with advice in the way forward.

Litigation is extremely expensive and not in the interest of the parties.

The questions arise.

• What are you fighting about?

• Why can the disputes not be settled

Once you understand the above principal questions, mediation will have much more meaning as it is a powerful tool for resolving family disputes and reaching amicable agreements without the need for lengthy and contentious litigation.

Remember - INFORMATION IS POWER!!

Emotion is counterproductive in reaching an acceptable outcome and if possible, leave emotions out of the mediation process.

When engaging in mediation it is of the utmost importance that you approach the process with emotional and practical readiness.

Children born of a relationship is possibly the most difficult part of any “break-up” and every effort should be made to ensure that they are at all times protected, loved and cared for.

Children have the constitutional right to be brought up by both parents and one or the other parent does not have the sole right to care for the children.

Participation, no matter what the circumstances, by both parents are paramount in the protection of the children and will ensure a healthy upbringing and continued parental bond.

Children are more knowledgeable about tension in relationships as you may think and the tension causes the children all kinds of emotions, and stresses. They even blame themselves for the unfolding situation, feel unwanted, not loved and not protected.

As parent of children your primary responsibility is to ensure that the children are protected, loved and cared for.

PLEASE DO NOT DISCUSS YOUR EMOTIONS, DISPUTES AND TENSION WITH THE CHILDREN!

UNDERSTAND THE MEDIATION PROCESS

Before you enter a mediation, familiarise yourself with how mediation works.

The purpose of mediation is to find an acceptable resolve to the disputes between the parties, which is a facilitated process led by an accredited neutral mediator who assists both sides in reaching a mutually agreeable solution.

Once you understand

• the mediator’s role

• the discussions (without prejudice to any of the party’s rights)

• the intended outcomes

it will reduce your stress, and it will cause you to focus on the desired outcome.

INFORMATION

To engage in mediation without being armed with proper documentation will shoot you in the foot.

It is imperative to ensure that you have everything you need as information is power!

You must arm yourself with:

• Bank statements, tax returns, salary slips, and proof of expenses.

• Information in respect of property - such as Deeds, mortgage records, vehicle ownership, and valuation reports

• Previous court orders, prenuptial/postnuptial agreements, protection orders.

• Information about the children – Information about their school(s), school records, medical records, and maintenance requirements, extra mural activities.

• Any problems and difficulties which the children may have

Armed with as much information as possible, you will find the mediation process to be organised and focussed on reaching a settlement.

Informed decisions can be made if you are prepared!!

DESIRED OUTCOME

Prioritise your desired outcome and be ready for any enquiry in respect thereof.

Be reasonable in your desired outcomes and do not involve your emotions in what you seek. Always consider the children’s rights as paramount to anything else.

Ask yourself what you would consider as:

• Non negotiable.

• What would you be willing to compromise

• On which issues would you be open to compromise

• What is in the best interest of the children

• How do you see the future of your family

Disclosure of your desired outcome without emotion will assist the mediator to understand your values and will assist in facilitating a long-term stability and satisfactory outcome

EMOTIONS

Mediation and the mere fact that your are involved in litigation is enough to intensify any situation, more so in family matters.

It is imperative that you have your emotions under control and to be prepared.

You will most probably be anxious, sad, angry and afraid, and it is extremely important that you acknowledge your feelings and to find ways to manage those feelings in a healthy manner.

If you manage the art of listening instead of talking (too much), it will most certainly assist you to be focussed and will reduce being on the defence all the time.

Focus on what you envisage for the future and avoid all the negatives of the past.

Living in the past will stop you from going forward.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Effective communication can make or break the outcome.

During the mediation process

• Be Clear and Respectful: Use assertive language without blaming or accusing

• Be Open to Compromise: This is about finding common ground, not winning

• Ask Questions: Clarify what you don’t understand to stay fully informed

COLLABORATE WITH YOUR MEDIATOR

Your mediator is not a judge but a facilitator.

Be honest about your expectations and any sensitivities.

Share your preferred communication style and any support needs you may have.

A good mediator will tailor the session to ensure it remains balanced and productive.

REVIEW YOUR CHECKLIST

Before any mediation session, take a moment to run through this checklist and clear your mind

• Review all relevant documents

• Organise yourself and summarise your presentation

• Clear your mind in respect of your goals and areas of flexibility which you have identified

• Be emotionally prepared

• Be willing to listen and to find common ground

• I you require special practical arrangements confirm it with the mediator.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Preparing for mediation is not just about documents - it’s about mindset, communication, and clarity.

By understanding how to prepare for family court mediation, knowing what to bring to divorce mediation, and following a reliable divorce mediation checklist, you empower yourself to participate with confidence and purpose.

Are you ready to approach mediation with clarity and confidence?

MEDIATION CHECKLIST